Skip balancing and cold feet

I hear Cameron's having a moan about health and safety legislation. Well I have some ideas of my own to tackle a few of the world's problems and health and safety just happens to be one of them.

I had my brain wave whilst driving into college last week. I had the delight of being stuck in a traffic jam behind a lorry carrying a particularly dirty and smelly skip.

As we got closer, I realised there was a helpful warning sign on it showing a stick man with a skip on his head. It was quite clearly warning people not to balance skips on their heads.

Hopefully, it's fairly obvious to most people that no human neck could withstand having a skip placed upon it, no matter how often you wear hats made of lead. Do we really need a sign?

The most worrying thing about this sign is that I was under the impression that most warnings exist because at some point someone has suffered horrible injuries trying to do what it's warning against. Does this mean at some point in the past someone has died balancing a skip on their head?

Anyway, this brings me to my main point. I think most companies could protect themselves from being sued through health and safety laws if they just put one simple sign on their products:
Don't be a complete idiot.

My other bright idea combats the age old problem of cold feet in bed. I was trying to convince Joe about the merits of this idea last night, but he just seemed to think I was crazy.

If you're lying in bed on a cold night, invariably your top half is quite warm but your feet are absolutely freezing.

My suggestion is simple; after being in bed for a while, unable to sleep due to icy toes, simply switch ends so your feet are at the bit your body has warmed up and you're at the other end. NB: it is usually necessary to decamp fully with pillows to avoid neck discomfort.

Then after a while, switch back so you're at the right end again (because there's nothing more disorientating than waking up in the wrong end of bed). You will now notice the bottom half of the bed is warm and your cold feet problem is solved. It's a tried and tested method I have been using since I was a child.

Now don't be giving me none of this 'why not use a hot water bottle?' Or 'why not wear a pair of socks?'

That would be far too easy.